When you quit drinking cold turkey, there are a lot of really weird things that happen that no one tells you about. Based on my journey, I'd like to pull back that curtain and share some of my experience, because I'm sure I'm not alone!! And because some of them have comical incidences attached (lots of inappropriate crying, bathroom woes, etc.) #noshame
Weird Thing #1: I have CRAZY dreams and they feel so real it's scary.
Whether it's alien abduction, being naked (of course), hanging out with someone "from the other side", or the typical restaurant nightmares (you all know what I'm talking about if you've ever working in a restaurant). They are vivid, detailed, and a nightly occurrence.
The most emotionally tolling dream is a recurring one in which I drink and then hate myself for doing it afterward. I have no doubt that this is the emotional struggle coming to life through a dream. When I first stopped drinking, I would have some version of this dream every single night. Now, 132 days sober, I still have this dream 2-3 nights a week.
It comes in different forms: Attending an old friend's wedding and she guilts me into drinking champagne, going to a networking event and feeling socially obligated to have a glass of wine, or getting a medical diagnosis and feeling "why even bother" and tossing back a bottle. But they all end the same: Guilt, shame, and anger that I gave in and did something I didn't truly want to do.
So what do I make of these dreams? How am I trying to move forward? I recognize now that these dreams are a neurological manifestation of the emotional baggage and social pressure that comes with drinking. Any anxiety I may have about upcoming events or social judgment rears it's head and plays out in my dreams. As I continue on my journey, I am making a more intentional effort to shift my mindset about drinking and what it means to be sober. I am also learning to be ok with people who don't accept my decision. If they don't "approve", that is often a reflect on them and not me.
Ironically, I would actually like this dream to stick around....maybe just a little less frequently. The part I appreciate is knowing that IF I drank again and gave in for the wrong reasons, I WOULD feel guilt, shame, and anger. I don't need nor want that in my life, and these dreams serve as a frightening reminder and I should heed that warning.
I add the dreams to my list of new challenges to figure out as I continue on my sobriety journey. I am determined to keep an attitude of gratitude, and overcome stumbling blocks with patience and grace. Hands down, they always beat the alternative.
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