Surely I'm not the only one who has been brought to tears out of frustration or overwhelm with my dog. I try my best, and yet some days feel like I fall so short. Some days it's like she literally forgot everything we have been working on. Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me and I snap back. Then there are the nights when I put her to bed and all I can do is promise her I'll do better tomorrow. I will literally tell her I love her, and that I'm doing the very best that I can.
But here's the thing...all of these emotions and over-reactions on my behalf are deeply rooted in the over-anthropomorphication of my dog. That's a big word now, but very easy to explain. We assign human-like characteristics and emotions to our dog and then get frustrated when they don't act accordingly. There are many psychological reason why we do this: Loss, grief, loneliness, need for unconditional love, or any other emotional void we feel we aren't getting from actual human beings.
I know this may hurt some feelings or ruffle some feathers, but I think it's so important to be aware or our emotional projection onto our dogs that is sometimes not in their best interest. We have to let the dogs be dogs and provide an environment that is conducive to their innate state of being. We can only expect so much adaptation and behavioral modification within their mental capacity.
On the hard days, when I am brought to tears, I have to remind myself of this. I wish my dog would love and obey me all the time, but sometimes her instincts override. I would love to think that she loves me unconditionally, but in reality I am her source of food, shelter, and fun so I am most likely a means-to-an-end for her. Don't get me wrong...I do think dogs have emotions and can experience love. But it's not for the reasons we would like to think. They don't just love us for being sweet and existing in their world. They love us as a leader and a provider because that's what they need.
So the next time you are having a difficult day or season with your dog, I encourage you to simply give them a break. Maybe go back to basics and strengthening your pack bond. Remember they are not being vindictive or doing things in a revengeful manner (that's also anthropomorphication to think they do this). Just like you, they are also doing their best. They are constantly mentally balancing training versus instinct. The most powerful next step is to deeply understand and leverage that instinct to your benefit in training, but that's a different discussion. For now, give your dog a little grace, and appreciate them for what they are rather than holding them to an unrealistic standard.
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